


Jealous

by tcourtois



Category: Football RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 06:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3199577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tcourtois/pseuds/tcourtois





	Jealous

“You’re unbelievable!” Amáli shouted at me. She was angrier than I had ever seen her before, really seething. I could see that she was shaking, her cheeks were flushed red and her eyes glazed with rage.

“She kissed me. I told you that.” I said defensively. I thought she was being unreasonable. Caro had come onto me, she had kissed me. But that wasn’t the only thing that Amáli was angry about. She was angry about what Caro had said to me before she had grabbed me by the tie and pulled me into a kiss. She had told me that Amáli wasn’t as supportive of me as she could be, as supportive as Caro herself had been.

“It’s not just about that! It’s about how you only think of your fucking career, and how your ex was able to use that to her advantage to screw up our relationship.” She was screaming at me now, mascara streaming down her cheeks along with her tears.

“That’s not fair.” I snapped.

“How fucking supportive was she Marco? Hmm? I bet she was so fucking supportive. Well guess what? She can support you through the next injury crisis because I am done.” And after slinging that last sentence at me with venom she stormed upstairs and packed her things.

 

That was six months ago now, and honestly, not a day goes by where I don’t think of her. There’s this stupid English song that keeps playing on the radio that I can barely stand to listen to, because I feel like it speaks straight to my soul. Because the truth is, I’m not over her, and I need to get her back.

I’m jealous of the rain that falls upon your skin.

It’s closer than my hands have been.

These little plans and schemes kept running through my head. How to get her back, how to win her over. It felt like an impossibility. My friends, Marcel in particular reminded me that she had moved on, she had a new boyfriend now. I hoped that he had a normal job, and went home to her at the end of the day like he should. I hoped that he treated her better than I had.

I scrolled through her Instagram, followed by his. Each smile, each cutely captioned picture made my heart hurt. How had I let that argument spiral out of control?

Of course it wasn’t just that argument that had finished things for Amáli. With each injury, each problem, I became more and more withdrawn. The relationship must have felt like a prison to her, as I spent longer and longer hours at training, she sat at home waiting for me. I was sorry for that now, and if I had her back, I would never make that mistake again, would always put her first. Always.

I wished you the best of all this world could give.

And I told you, when you left me ‘there’s nothing to forgive’.

I hit my hand against the dashboard as that line came on. I wanted her to forgive me so badly, but I didn’t know how to get past the obstacle that was her new boyfriend. It was raining in Dortmund this evening, and the heavens had opened further to shower the city with an icy downpour.

One half of my mind told me to just wait. They would probably break up eventually. The other half was screaming ‘what if she marries him!’ at me.

One half of my mind was right. I could not let her spend the rest of her life with him. I needed her to spend it with me. As supportive as Caro had been or not. We were opposites, and opposites definitely attract. I loved her fiery personality, the way she snapped at me, the way she would stand with her hand on her hip when she was angry. I wanted every aspect of her love.

But I always thought you’d come back, tell me all you found was, heartbreak and misery.

It’s hard for me to say, I’m jealous of the way you’re happy without me.

I didn’t have a very good plan, as I made the turning onto the road that Amáli lived on. I wondered what I had in the car with me. Only my bag from training, stuffed with my worn training clothes, I didn’t think that she would appreciate that very much. She hated washing my clothes when we were together. All I had was some really old advertising boards that I had taken in the hope of building something silly for Nico to play with, like a ramp for his toy cars.

Then I got the dumbest idea ever.

I’m jealous of the nights that I don’t spend with you. I’m wondering who you lay next to.

As I pulled up outside her house, and pulled the cardboard advertisement out of my car I felt stupid, and a sense of dread filled my stomach. What if he was here with her? Or what if she had moved and someone else answered the door and just pitied me? That would hurt like hell.

I had to hope though right? That my idiotic scheme would pay off. No one else was going to believe in this plan. I had to believe in it myself.

I’m jealous of the love, love that was in here.

Gone for someone else to share. Oh, I’m jealous of the love.

As I pulled out a sharpie and scrawled something on the back of the board I hoped that there was no one peeking out of their window at me. What a sight that would be to see, a drenched Dortmund footballer writing on an old advertising board.

I walked up to her door with the board, wondering if this idiotic idea was worth it after all. She’d probably never be mine again. After all, what was there to come back to?

As I sink in the sand, watch you slip through my hands.

Oh, as I die here another day. Cause all I do is cry behind this smile.

As I was about to knock on the door I noticed there was a light on in the living room, and the outline of two people was visible, but I didn’t give up. If he came to the door, well, I would just have to deal with that.

And so I knocked, with my heart practically in my mouth as I waited for her to answer. When she did all of the feelings came rushing back to me. She was so beautiful, even more so in person, but it was the way she carried herself, the way she acted, the way she was that really got me.

She was surprised to see me but said nothing, placing her finger over her lips. I nodded in acknowledgement that I would be quiet so that her boyfriend didn’t suspect a thing, and held up the board.

It’s hard for me to say, I’m jealous of the way…

You’re happy without me.


End file.
